Tim Dillon Is Really, Really Stupid

I regret going long on Louis CK yesterday, because there were several other things I wanted to share with you. Well, here they are:

-Tim Dillon complaining that Trump’s second term is "the greatest about-face in political history" and that one could not have expected any of it from his first term, when he "governed kind of like a nineties liberal”;

-Tim Dillon complaining that people criticized the Riyadh Comedy Festival even though they’re okay with Muslims immigrating to the US;

-Theo Von complaining that Hollywood has a pro-trans, anti-white agenda;

-Theo Von and Joe Rogan shamelessly thirsting over a trans woman, whom they agree is hot enough to not be discriminated against;

-And, finally, Theo Von and Jake Paul complaining that children can’t do blackface on Halloween.

Here we go:

“I Believed JD Vance”

You Idiot Podcasters Did This to Yourselves

On the Rogansphere’s “turn” on Trump over the Epstein coverup.

HumorismSeth Simons

Tim Dillon has spent the last few months struggling to cope with the fact that Donald Trump is both a pedophile and an imperialist warmonger, to which Tim Dillon was completely oblivious when they helped elect him. In a rambling monologue on his podcast yesterday, he explained that nobody could have foreseen what’s happening now, and that he himself can hardly be blamed for believing Trump would govern with some amount of sanity:

Dillon: This is the greatest con in history. To run as an "America first" and you were gonna take care of America and then turn around and go, "all of these things, daycare, Medicare, Medicaid, we have nothing to do with that. We're fighting wars. That's what we're here to do. We're here to have a defense budget of $1.5 trillion and we're here to fight wars." It is the greatest scam in history. You gotta hand it to him. And I mean, truly, and—again, not in a moral way, but you gotta hand it to him. This is the greatest about-face in political history that I have really ever seen. It is the greatest scam. It has taken in people. I believed JD Vance, when he came on my show and said, "We want to stay out of Middle Eastern wars." Donald Trump's first term did not have real—I mean, he killed Qasem Soleimani, I'm mispronouncing that, whatever. But he was not running all over the world and doing this.

There's a lot of things about Trump's first term to criticize, but he was not doing this. So this is surprising to a lot of people. And by the way, it's surprising to me. And there's a lot of people, and I know everyone's gonna act like they're not surprised. "I knew he was going to invade Iran." Nick Fuentes did. He's like the only one that did. So that kid is the only one who really called that this guy was gonna go into Iran. If you had said to me, "Is this guy going to launch a preemptive war in Iran?" I would have said no.

"I did not think, truly, that somehow he was going to launch a preemptive war in Iran and then I didn't think we would be kind of losing it."

I remember being on the phone with Bari Weiss the day he won. I was in Miami and I was on the beach and I called her and we chatted briefly and it was just a very nice conversation. I said, "What's this guy gonna do? " And she said, "I think he's gonna get rid of the DEI shit," which we all thought was stupid. And he's gonna get rid of the DEI stuff and he's going to restore some sense of sanity to a lot of Biden-era DEI—that was pushing everyone in this country to the political extremes. And he was gonna get the economy going and he was gonna try to tackle inflation to some degree. And he was going to—this was the thought. Now, Bari might've known that there was another plan. She didn't share it with me. She might've known. And I was sitting there in Miami on the phone going, "Well, yeah, if he does that stuff, great."

I said to her, I said, "What do you think about gay marriage or this or that?" She goes, "No, I don't think he's gonna roll back a lot of that stuff. I think he's gonna go after the economy. He's gonna go after the DEI stuff. He's probably gonna pull a lot of the money out of Ukraine and cut some deal." And she said, "He supports Israel. He's gonna support Israel." And I said, "Okay." At that point, that was kind of expected. And I said to her, I was like, "You think he's gonna get a deal done in the Middle East?" And she goes, "Yeah, because that's what he campaigned on, he was gonna get a deal done in the Middle East?" But I did not think, truly, that somehow he was going to launch a preemptive war in Iran and then I didn't think we would be kind of losing it.

So by the way, drag me all you want for not being omniscient or not being clairvoyant, I had no idea. I had no clue that Iran was gonna be able to blow military bases off the earth and we weren't going to defend them. I didn't know that our Gulf allies were gonna get attacked. We weren't really gonna be able to do that much about it. I had no idea that this was going to go this poorly.

I don’t know what’s funnier: that Dillon believed JD Vance or that he believed Bari Weiss. In any case, what he’s admitting here is that he supported Trump out of a misguided belief that Trump would simply do racism, not that he would go to war. 

Tim Dillon, Holocaust Denier

“What do you think the chances were that it was exactly six million people? How do you think they settled on six? This is a fair question.”

HumorismSeth Simons

Let’s fast-forward a bit to the section where Dillon claims that Trump was never an ideological figure, and that even his critics would admit that his first term was pretty good: 

Dillon: The reason I didn't think it was gonna happen was because I always thought there was some–even though he is an erratic figure, I really thought he listened to the market and he cared about money. I thought if there was erratic tendencies he had, they were governed somewhat by this idea that he was kind of  a pragmatist in the sense of the economy and money. And to see all of that kind of go out the window—'cause I never thought this guy was an ideologue. Like the idea that he was some kind of ideological guy, I don't really think he was. I think he was a guy that read Ann Coulter's book Adios America. He's been a protectionist forever. He's always been into tariffs and he thinks the country's being ripped off or whatever. But he read Ann Coulter's book—this is the truth, this is how it happened—he read Ann Coulter's book. That was his biggest issue. People in America felt they were losing ground. They were, financially, after Obama had left office, people had lost homes and people hadn't regained their economic footing. And he was able to kind of make that the central feature of his campaign, which was immigration. 

He was not always the most eloquent about it, obviously, but he grabbed onto this idea of immigration and trade and that really started to motivate people. And it was just basically this American nationalist ideal. He wasn't a Christian nationalist, he'd been married multiple times, he's a gambling tycoon, he's owned—he was a deeply flawed human being who admitted to it and said, "I participated in the scam of this country forever and I know how it works.” And that was really refreshing to hear, because a lot of people were like, "This guy's breaking the fourth wall." Dave Chappelle did a great monologue on SNL about it, where he's like, "When I heard him say that, I was like, ‘God.’" This guy came out when they talked about Putin killing people, he goes, “We kill a lot of people here too.” 

"He governed kind of like a 90s liberal, his first term. I mean, he did the Muslim ban, it was sloppy. It was reversed immediately."

Nobody had ever heard anything like this. I’m 41 years old, nobody had ever said anything like this on television that was running for office. And by the way, barely anyone said anything that approximated that, even in the media. You had to go to a Barnes and Noble and buy a book that was a totally Howard Zinn book to hear anything like that, for the most part. They weren’t saying that on CNN and they weren’t saying it on Fox News. They would debate the Iraq war, they would–whatever. They didn’t like Bush. But what he was saying about the nature of the corrupt oligarchy that ran the country, nobody had said publicly. 

He then wins an election and then has a pretty—other than the fact that there was emotional terrorism every day of his tweets and people reacting to him, all of that—but the reality was, even his detractors were like, "Well, the economy's pretty good. We're not in wars." He governed kind of like a 90s liberal, his first term. I mean, he did the Muslim ban, it was sloppy. It was reversed immediately. There was demagoguery of issues, but he wasn't like this psychopath that people had feared where it was like, "We're gonna be in a world war." 

This term is making up for that. This term, he's really feeling himself. It's like somebody goes away in school and they get hot over the summer and then they come in, they got a whole new attitude and you're like, "What happened to my friend?" And now they're like, "Now I'm treating you like shit. I got hot." Somebody leaves, your little chubby friend leaves school. They come back and get hot and they don't want to sit with you anymore and they don't give a fuck about you. In fact, they want to invade Iran.

I refer you to the title of this post.

“Why Are They Allowed into the United States?”

In another episode this week, released to his Patreon subscribers, Dillon found himself again defending his decision to perform at the Riyadh Comedy Festival, asking why people criticized him when they don’t have any problem with Muslims coming to the US: 

Dillon: It's what I didn't understand about the Saudi comedy festival. Everybody got so mad about it. Okay, well, you don't like Islamic religious law? Great. All these liberals got mad. I go, "Okay, I might agree with you on that, but then why should they come into our country if they're so dangerous?" Because the only reason you're mad at Saudi Arabia is because they have whatever, you think they have Sharia law—and they actually technically don't have the letter of the law of Sharia law, but they have a lot of laws I don't like—but they're based on the Islamic scripture and text. So if that's so dangerous, why are they allowed into the United States? And why would it be crazy to ask that question? Why would that be racist or insane?

Because you don't like that people are going to Saudi Arabia to do comedy for a night and you're allowed to not like that. You're allowed to do that. "It's blood money." "Okay. Why is that country bad?" "Well, it's because they have all these fucked up laws." "All right, what are those laws based on?" "Well, it's a religion." "Okay. So we should not have people from that part of the world just come into our country, right?" "No, we should. That's good. It's good that we do that." So I can't go there, they can come here.

So it was just something to get mad at. It was something to get mad at comedians, whatever. It's fine. People are so easily steered. It was the Trump "manosphere, podcast, bro-caster election," whatever. And they wanted to just say whatever. And Saudi Arabia fired me anyways, it's not even like I'm holding water for them. It's just an insane world when a Jewish lesbian comic gets a standing ovation in a majority-Muslim country, Saudi Arabia, she should be heralded by liberals and not attacked. In a sane world, if these people cared about anything they purport to care about. But they just want to use that as an example and it's like crazy. Whatever. I'm not going to get worked up about it. I'm just saying this doesn't make any sense to anyone.

I don’t have time to get into it now, but just know that in another Patreon episode he released this week, Dillon lays out his theory of the Charlie Kirk assassination, which is roughly: Charlie Kirk conducted an audit of Turning Point USA’s finances, discovered something he didn’t like, causing his wife Erika Kirk, whom Dillon suspects is an asset of some intelligence service, possibly foreign but possibly domestic, to have her husband killed. Dillon concedes it may also be possible that the shooter was simply radicalized by “trans rhetoric.” A bit later, he says he hopes the next president is a sane, normal, boring Democrat, and that people stop getting duped by narcissistic sociopaths.

Theo Von & Dave Smith Bemoan the Great Replacement and Anti-White Racism, Praise Nick Fuentes

Unfortunately, they’re not Fuentes’s only fans in comedy.

HumorismSeth Simons

“We’re Losing Our Gender”

Let’s move on to our friend Theo Von. In his appearance on Joe Rogan’s podcast last week, the two get to talking about how much autism there is these days—I know, I know—which leads to Rogan complaining about vaccines feminizing men and Von complaining about Hollywood’s pro-trans and anti-white agenda:  

Rogan: So the capitalism gets involved and they don't give a fuck about the truth. They just want to make the most amount of money possible. And one of the things they did in this country is they removed all liability to vaccine manufacturers. So then they ramped up the schedule, do a shit ton more injections than anybody else was getting. So it's just that this sort of happens whenever you allow people to try to make the most money possible. And then there's consequences. Well, what are those consequences? Those consequences are we're losing our gender. We're becoming feminized and weakened and physically weaker and less fertile for women, less fertile for men, less babies happening, more miscarriages happening.

Von: Which fits in with, honestly, the media arm of that is Hollywood pushes a lot of these agendas that are trans-based and "whitey redneck is the worst," and—you know what I'm saying—universal one co[lor], like a mixed r[ace]—

Rogan: It's not diversity. It's not because diversity is "everybody's okay." Everybody's okay. The fucking redneck with the trucker hat's cool, if he's a nice guy. The Mexican gardener's cool, if he's a nice guy. Everybody's cool. No matter who it is. That's real diversity. Real diversity isn't celebrating one particular thing and then denigrating all these other people just by virtue of the color of their skin or how they were born. That is racist. And they don't think it's racist. They'll even call it reverse racism. Well, there's no such thing as reverse racism. It's racism. And these people that say, "No, racism is power and influence." No, it's not. No, it's not. It is unjustly looking at someone and making a judgment call on someone just based on immutable characteristics and just based on the color of their skin or where they're from or what their religion is and not valuing people as individuals, unique individuals that just happen to be from a particular, their origins, their ancestors or from a particular part of the world. So fucking what?

This is not even the worst thing they say during the nearly three-hour-long episode. A short while later, they wind their way to the subject of the decline of journalism, Theo Von’s friend Candace Owens, and her conspiracy theory about Brigitte Macron; then they start salivating over Blaire White, a trans woman and conservative pundit who’s appeared on Rogan’s podcast in the past. To wit: 

Rogan: …And that's the rise of independent journalism. That's why all these independent channels do so well.

Von: That's why Candace Owens is popping.

Rogan: Dude. And also—

Von: She's popping, bro.

Rogan: She just keeps going deeper into the crazy well.

Von: She's fucking—dude.

Rogan: She goes deep.

Von: I got to see her the other day. I got to see her and she's so funny. Her kids and her husband are so funny.

"You ever meet Blaire White? You're like, there's no way that's a guy."

Rogan: Do you think she's right about that lady in France?

Von: With that thing on her?

Rogan: Yeah. Or at least used to have that thing.

Von: You got that thing on you? She got that Draco on her. I don't know. It's tough to know. It's hard. I've never been good at guessing if somebody has a cock or not.

Rogan: You can never know.

Von: Maybe I'm old-fashioned or whatever.

Rogan: Yeah. You ever meet Blaire White? You're like, there's no way that's a guy.

Von: Uh-uh.

Rogan: No?

Von: Never met Blaire White.

Rogan: She's been on the podcast before. All my security guards were like, "Hmmm."

Von: Hey, buddy.

Rogan: Kind of hot. Kind of hot.

Von: Oh, yeah.

Rogan: Seems like you're around a girl.

Von: Oh, I see what you're saying. You're seeing that pheromones. Dude, almost brought some cologne in today, man.

Rogan: You got pheromones for me?

Von: Almost brought them.

Rogan: [Showing a picture] There’s Blaire White. Come on, bro. If you're on an island.

"It's like if she wants to use the women's room, who gives a fuck?"

Von: Bro, huh?

Rogan: Let's go.

Von: Yeah, brother.

Rogan: You don't have to be Jim Norton to buy into that.

Von: Gosh. That's a man?

Rogan: Well, it's a transgender woman. So make of it what you will. It's like if she wants to use the women's room, who gives a fuck? You know what I'm saying?

Von: You can call it wiener if you want. I call it that long pussy. You feel me? That's what they call it in prison, dude. Who wants some of this long pussy?

Rogan: I don't know if she's had the operation or not.

Von: And I'm joking, Blaire. I don't know this person.

Rogan: She's a nice lady.

Von: I bet she is. And I don't know her.

Rogan: Nice transgender lady.

Von: I'm not trying to assume anything. I never met her.

This is a common feature of conversations about trans women among comedians in Rogan’s crowd: the idea that the hotter they are, the more legitimate their identity is. (Tim Dillon: “You gotta lead with hot… A hot tr—y is going to carry the message better than a lot of these messes.”) What’s notable here is how nakedly Rogan expresses this idea: Blaire White is attractive enough that she should be able to use a woman’s bathroom. It’s almost as if transphobia functions as a means of enforcing traditional femininity—and as if so many comedians are transphobic because they are also deeply misogynist. 

Theo Von Thinks Frederick Douglass Was Secretly Gay and Used the Underground Railroad to Meet Men

“The fucking Underground Railroad was a sausage party. Oh, I bet dudes were hooking up, bro.”

HumorismSeth Simons

“This Ain’t Gonna End Well”

I will leave you with Theo Von’s conversation with Jake Paul, released today, in which a discussion of Druski’s Erika Kirk sketch gives way to general complains about how you’re not allowed to do blackface these days: 

Paul: Honestly, it's fucking hilarious. I loved it. And I'm obviously Republican and all the Republicans being mad about this shit is a fucking L for Republicans because this is fucking hilarious. And even though it's fucking dark and twisted and it's not, maybe this is what comedy fucking is. We are fucking humans. Let's make fun of ourselves. And there's truth in this. And extreme truth and people weren't ready for that, but I think it's fucking hilarious. And I want to ask you something because I've been over the last couple of days calling makeup artists and I was going to do a response to this and go and do the full-on on— 

Von: Darker? 

Paul: Yeah. And just do it back because why not? 

Von: Yeah. 

Paul: Are we on the same playing field? 

Von: I think if there's a way to do it—oh, this ain't gonna end well, even this sentence—but if there's a way to do it—I've been here many times—if there's a way to do it, I think, yeah. I think there needs to be some Black support for the character, I think. I'm saying, say if Druski or—I'm trying to think of somebody else. 

"I don't see in color, I see in truth and comedy."

Paul: Charles Barkley.

Von: Charles Barkley. If you got one of those guys to be like, "Hey, Theo, I want you to do this shit with me. Let's do this. " 

Paul: But still, that's pussying out. 

Von: You think it is? 

Paul: Yeah. 

Von: To me, there's a level of—

Paul: Doesn't that make us more prejudiced? 

Von: Oh, more prejudiced?

Paul: That makes us—if we have to partner with someone. Druski just dropped this. 

Von: And he's done it a couple of times, actually.

Paul: Exactly. I fucking love it. This is great. This is how humans should be. 

Von: I agree. 

"What about Jimmy Kimmel when he was Blacking around over there?"

Paul: We should fucking make fun of each other. And I don't see in color, I see in truth and comedy. So what are we talking about? What era are we living in? 

Von: Dude, Justin Trudeau did, and he's fricking dating Katy Perry. You see that? Justin Trudeau? The mayor of fricking Canada.

Paul: I was just with him. I was just with them. 

Von: No, you were not. 

Paul: Yeah. At the JP Morgan Summit. 

Von: He was B-facing. Look at him right there in the middle. Look at the one in the hat.

Paul: Oh, he got caught for this before?

Von: Yeah, look how dark he went. I mean, he went—

Paul: But to be fair, that picture's in black and white, so we can't tell how dark he went, but that's fair. That's kind of fair.

Von: What about Jimmy Kimmel when he was Blacking around over there? Bring that up, huh? Hey, hey, hey, look at him just Blacking. I mean, look at that, even the cross eyes.

Paul: That's Jimmy Kimmel?

Von: Yeah.

Paul: That's not Shaq?

Von: That ain't fucking Shaq, dude. That looks healthier than Shaq.

Paul: There is no way that is Jimmy Kimmel.

Von: Yeah, dude.

"The shit that me pisses me off, it's like kids can't be Black for Halloween, dude."

Paul: Oh God.

Von: Bro, Shaq is selling everything now.

Paul: And look, bro. And look, by the way—

Von: That is Jimmy Kimmel.

Paul: Look at fucking Jimmy Kimmel, fucking on the left, untouchable.

Von: Yeah.

Paul: What the fuck, bro?

Von: Yeah.

Paul: How can they get away with this shit?

Von: The shit that me pisses me off, it's like kids can't be Black for Halloween, dude. A kid, it's his favorite athlete. He never grew up with anything racist in his heart or anything.

Paul: Yeah, and he wants to be LeBron on Halloween.

Von: Yeah.

Paul: This kid is just fucking getting penetrated by haters.

Von: That's the problem. There's too many haters out there.

Happy Passover and Easter, my friends.