Even More Insane and Racist Bullshit from Joe Rogan and Andrew Schulz

I’d like to share a few passages from Joe Rogan’s latest conversation with Andrew Schulz, released today. Below you’ll find:

•Schulz scorning critics of the Riyadh Comedy Festival, arguing that the Saudi royal family doesn’t care what comedians say (no mention of Tim Dillon or Jim Jefferies losing their spots, of course) and that the royal paycheck meant his fans got cheaper tickets;

•Schulz and Rogan cracking up over the murder of Jamal Khashoggi;

•Schulz arguing that ICE is an important institution “that we shouldn’t malign”;

•Rogan (again) spouting off a bunch of Great Replacement Theory bullshit about Democrats important immigrants in order to increase their representation in Congress, all of which Schulz cosigns; 

•Rogan implying that Marc Maron is to blame for Theo Von’s recent mental health struggles, because Maron made fun of Von in his latest special;

•Rogan and Schulz both extensively shitting on Maron;

•A bonus quote from Schulz you’ll have to read to the end to see. 

Okay, here we go.

On the Riyadh Comedy Festival

Rogan: What was that experience like going over there?

Schulz: Man, it was like, I've performed the Middle East before, so everybody—

Rogan: You've done a bunch of shows out there.

Schulz: Yeah. It's just not—everybody make this big thing like, oh, my God, it's going to be so crazy. I posted my set because people were saying all this shit like, oh, I didn't change anything and all these comics were going—I'm like, all right, well, I'll show you. This is what I did. You tell me if I took it easy on 'em. [Ed. note: he explicitly praised the royal adviser producing the festival.] You tell me if I cared. And people made all this fucking big deal about like, oh, they made you sign a list of things you can't say. And it's just like, do you really think the fucking king cares about the clowns coming to the festival? You think he really gives a fuck about that shit? No.

Rogan: Well, he would care if it was humiliating.

Schulz: It's some middle guy who's like, "I don't want to get in trouble, so I'm going to say this—" They do that shit anywhere you go. They did that shit when I was in UAE. I didn't fucking look at it. I'll never look at a list once in my life. I'll perform wherever my fans are. I don't give a fuck. That's my take on it, is like, I'm going to perform wherever my fans are. I don't give a fuck what their governments do. I'm going to perform for my fans. Simple as that. That's what it is. I just happen to have fans over there. There are a lot of guys who can't perform outside of Brooklyn who are like," I would never go." It's like, well, no one's asking you.

Rogan: Right. No one's inviting you.

Schulz: Yeah. You also don't have to.

Rogan: Right.

"They chopped up one journalist so women can drive."

Schulz: But it might be different if you got tons of DMs of people going, "Please come out here. We've been watching your special, we've been doing all these things." You're like, "Oh, that'd be really awesome to come perform for you guys."

Rogan: Yeah. But the idea is you're being paid by a dictator.

Schulz: It's good. My fans get a discount. It's not like they didn't have to pay for the tickets. You know what I mean? They're just a little added on top from the family. You know what I mean? So it is what it is. Bro, this comic out there said the funniest, shit it's fucked up. He said the funniest shit. I was like, "Yeah. So what do you think about them chopping up that journalist?" He goes, "They chopped up one journalist so women can drive.” [Cracks up]

Rogan: Oh no, oh no.

Schulz: I was dying, bro. I was—bro, we were out there, it was so funny.

Rogan: That is true. Like, MBS—that's not true what you said, but it is true that MBS is the reason why women can drive.

Schulz: He's the progressive one.

Rogan: Yeah.

Schulz: The other guy, the MBN was the guy who was going to be more conservative. But yeah, so it was so funny because when we were out there, there are chicks driving now obviously, you know what I mean?

Rogan: How were they doing?

Schulz: Well we got in one accident—two female drivers.

Rogan: They're new at it.

Schulz: Bro. So it's like, we got out the car and you could see the look on their faces, the parts of their faces you could see. And they were just like, "Damn, man, everybody's gonna know." But it's funny, they said they get the girls all like Chinese cars, and I was like, "Why do they drive the Chinese cars?" And they're like, "It's the cheapest cars. They're just figuring this shit out."

Rogan: They just started driving. Imagine you're 50 and you just start driving tomorrow. That's crazy.

On ICE and the Great Replacement:

Schulz: Power is a zero-sum game. It's just like, if I think that this person is going to completely change my life and completely strip me of everything I have, anybody that supports that person and that person are completely evil. And then once you think someone's evil, you can do anything to them.

Rogan: Right. Well, the people that have an argument about that are Mexican immigrants, especially the children of Mexican immigrants who maybe their family, maybe they're legal because they were born here, but their parents aren't and they're realizing their parents might get kicked out. That's scary.

Schulz: It's fucked up.

Rogan: That's scary.

Schulz: Yeah, I don't like the ICE stuff at all.

"This is an institution that we shouldn't malign, this is one that we should be proud of. This is a good thing."

Rogan: It's not just bad, it's bad for them. And I don't know how they don't realize that this is the worst look ever.

Schulz: It's also a bad look for ICE. ICE itself is a very important institution. You want to make sure that you have a government program that can enforce the borders and also remove people that are here illegally, especially people that are doing criminal activity. This is an institution that we shouldn't malign, this is one that we should be proud of. This is a good thing. But then when every video coming out, it's like seeing these people being torn, their families and all this kind of stuff, it's like, yeah, you're going to have a lot of animosity towards these groups. And I know we're having this conversation right now there's already people getting a video going, "Well, this is what you guys wanted." And this is like—

Rogan: No.

Schulz: One of the things I actually talked to Trump about is, how can we not do this? What can we do? How do we have these people who've been living here for fucking 10 years, they're paying taxes, why don't we give them a pathway to citizenship? And I specifically was like, "Yo, you own hotels. You've employed these people. You know they're good people." We're entertainers, we work in fucking restaurants. You know what I mean? We know we work with these people and you see them grinding. I don't know, that's a very frustrating thing.

Rogan: I think their problem with it is multifaceted. But I think one of the issues is the way the census works, because the way the census works, you get congressional seats based on the amount of people that live in an area, regardless of whether or not those people are citizens. Yeah. Isn't that nuts? So say if you import—

Schulz: How do you prove that they're there then, if they're illegal?

Rogan: Census doesn't check to see your legality. It just counts the number of people that live in a residence.

"If you invited them into this country, actually flew them out to that place, put them up in hotels, that kind of deal, then you can get more congressional seats because you have more human beings."

Schulz: But how do you count it? They have to fill the census out, right? Why would they fill it out if they're here illegally?

Rogan: That's a good question. They know. They know based on employment. It's like there's a bunch of different points of data that they get it from. That's a good question. But the point is, it doesn't matter if they're illegal. So if you fill out a census and you're illegal, it doesn't matter. It just matters how many people are in this area and that dictates how many congressional seats you get.

Schulz: So there's a political advantage.

Rogan: If you can import a bunch of people, also, if you encourage these people to fill out the census because it's politically beneficial to your party, especially if you help those people get in.

Schulz: That's interesting.

Rogan: So if you invited them into this country, actually flew them out to that place, put them up in hotels, that kind of deal, then you can get more congressional seats because you have more human beings.

"There definitely have been instances where illegal aliens have voted for whatever election. So the question is, did they move them there for congressional seats?"

Schulz: So that's the argument. A lot of people chalk it up to, they're giving these people voting rights, and it's like, no, that's not what's happening. They're actually increasing the amount of representatives you could have in a certain district.

Rogan: They are, but then we went over this yesterday, in Tim Walz's state in Minnesota, they actually passed a law where they give them driver's licenses and they could use those driver's licenses to vote. It's not legal, but someone could break the law and do it with those driver's license. The problem is they know that some people have. There definitely have been instances where illegal aliens have voted for whatever election. So the question is, did they move them there for congressional seats? Did they move them there for cheap labor? Did they move them there because if they pay for these people and give them EBT cards and then eventually they devise a pathway to citizenship, if they get a Democrat in four years, we have to take care of our community regardless of whether—if you're a good person, a hard-working person, we want you to join Team America. And that's how I feel. That's how I feel. And so then all of a sudden, those people who you got in, gave EBT cards, put them up in the Roosevelt, now those people are voting.

Schulz: Right. And obviously they're going to vote for the people who have protected them.

Rogan: Hundred percent.

Schulz: And I wouldn't blame them for that at all.

Rogan: Especially now. This is why it's politically dangerous for the Republicans, because this support of ICE and seeing that, that you just lost the whole Latino base. Except the hardcore Cubans. They don't give a fuck. They're like, "The fuck out of here. We ain't voting Democrat."

Schulz: That was the joke I had, is the second they put their foot on dry land, they're like, "We got to stop this immigration. This is too much, guys. This is too much."

Rogan: "Especially from Communist countries. Get the fuck out of here with those ideas."

Schulz: A hundred percent.

Rogan: They've experienced communism and that's why they embrace materialism. Cubans love Cuban links, big-ass gold chains to let a motherfucker know I got some cheddar. 

On Marc Maron:

Rogan: When I decided to talk shit about Maron was after the Theo thing, after Theo kind of went off the rails. And Theo went off the rails right after Maron put him in his special.

Schulz: Yeah. You know my issue with that joke in the special, it was just like what Twitter says. It wasn't even a creative angle.

Rogan: No, it's not good.

Schulz: It's just literally what every tweet would say.

Rogan: Meanwhile, it was one of the funniest jokes he's ever made because it's oppression of a really funny guy.

Schulz: Exactly. Yeah. He's got to rely on Theo's impression.

Rogan: Yeah.

Schulz: Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. My whole thing with Maron is I think that people outside of comedy have this idea of him, but everybody inside comedy knows he's a piece of shit, and they've known it for years.

Rogan: Yeah, exactly.

Schulz: This is not just us.

Rogan: No.

"This is how Marc Maron works. He sees you get successful. He feels bad. So he comes up with a reason why you are bad."

Schulz: There's that great Jon Stewart story about their thing, which is like, I don't even know what people know, but Jon took that MTV show, and Maron ripped him for it. "You sellout, you piece of shit. How dare you do it." And then when Jon leaves to go do another show, guess who takes over that same show? Maron. That's who we're dealing with. So it's one of these things where inside the game, we all know who the pieces of shit are, and we just go, "Ugh." We roll our eyes in it.

Rogan: This is how Marc Maron works. He sees you get successful. He feels bad. So he comes up with a reason why you are bad.

Schulz: Exactly. And he'll find some intellectualization of it to justify his bitterness.

[…]

Schulz: But you can't even give it any credence. It's like every criticism he has, he's guilty of. He's like, "How dare you have presidents on the pod and have fun with them?" And it's like you had Obama before anybody. You started this. You didn't ask Obama anything about fucking drone strikes or whatever."

Rogan: Anything.

Schulz: And I love Obama. I just want to point that out. I actually really do, and I know there's probably fucked-up shit that anybody in power got to do, but I genuinely... I liked him.

Rogan: I love him as a statesman. I think he was the best statesman we've ever had.

Schulz: You just felt good.

Rogan: Yes.

Schulz: You just felt good.

Rogan: It felt like he's a great representative of America.

Schulz: A hundred percent.

Rogan: He's as intelligent and measured as anybody who's ever held the office, better than any—Clinton when he was young was really good.

Schulz: Loved him.

Rogan: I think Obama was another level.

On Nazis

Finally, for our own amusement and delight: here’s Andrew Schulz unwittingly admitting he’s a Nazi during an exchange about Elon Musk:

Rogan: I saw comedians say that he was a Nazi. "He's a Nazi." 'Cause he said, my heart goes out to you. [Half-heartedly doing a Nazi salute:] Because he did the thing that THEY ALL do. 

Schulz: Right right right. It looked crazy.

Rogan:  It looked crazy. 

Schulz: It looked crazy. 

Rogan: It looked very aggressive. 

Schulz: But doing the thing doesn't make you a Nazi. Believing what Nazis believe makes you a Nazi. And I think that's the separation. 

Thanks as always for reading and have a great weekend.