Comedian Says Zohran Mamdani is the Face of a "Demonic" Jihadi Plot to Take Over the World

When we last checked in with Chris Distefano, before the New York City mayoral election, he was warning that Zohran Mamdani is a covert extremist who would usher in an era of Islamic rule, including the taxation of non-Muslims. In the wake of Mamdani’s win, Distefano returned to his podcast History Hyenas to double down on his racist and Islamophobic claims, insisting in all seriousness that Mamdani is “the face” of a “demonic” jihadist plot to take over the world.

Mamdani, he argued, is antisemitic, homophobic, and an enemy of Christianity, “the one true religion,” and his imminent tax on non-Muslims may be the first step in an effort to bring about a medieval-style caliphate where the attitude toward nonbelievers is “we either cut off your head or we circumcise you right here on the table if you don't conform to Islam.”

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You can find the text of Distefano’s comments, which took the form of a ten-minute monologue, below. Most of his rant was excised from the public version of the episode released on YouTube, but preserved in the episode released for History Hyenas Patreon subscribers. (I will mark in the transcript where the omitted segment begins.) Towards the end, Distefano asks Pappas if he said anything untrue. “All I do know,” Pappas answers, “is that speech could have easily been made by Nick Fuentes, if you just changed the ‘Jew’ to ‘Muslim.’” To which Distefano responds: “It’s what it is.”

One other thing I’ll add here is that although we don’t focus much on Distefano in this newsletter—honestly, I find him much too unpleasant to watch, even compared to his awful contemporaries—he is not a marginal figure in comedy by any means. In addition to his specials on Comedy Central, Netflix, and Hulu, he sells out theaters around the country and guest-hosted Jimmy Kimmel Live! just a few months ago. He is also, obviously, a stalwart of the New York club scene; in the monologue you’re about to read, he references a video he posted on Instagram of a recent set he performed at the Comedy Cellar, where he jokes that men who voted for Mamdani are gay. (This is worth bearing in mind as you read his condemnations of Mamdani’s homophobia; for that matter, one might also consider his enthusiasm about performing at the Riyadh Comedy Festival as he bloviates about the coming Islamic crusade.) Oh, right: and he’s a born-again Catholic who once told Joe Rogan it’s a documented historical fact that 500 independent sources personally witnessed and corroborated Christ’s resurrection. 

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I often hear from fans of the comedians I write about that I’m too apt to mistake joking racism for actual racism; that none of these people actually believe what they’re saying, which makes it, somehow, better. I hope the below clarifies that Distefano, at least, is a true believer. 

Distefano: I'm not on my social media anymore, but I posted this joke that I did about Mamdani and talked about, I said the History Hyenas bit that we have with the towels underneath the armpits. We posted that and then a—

Pappas: And you lost a few followers.

Distefano: I did lose a few followers. And then it was interesting because one guy, The Kid Mero, who is like—you know who The Kid Mero is?

Pappas: Is that Desus and Mero?

Distefano: Desus and Mero. The Kid Mero, he wrote something in all caps lock on my thing like, "This is a bad look, bah." And then he said, "You got a Puerto Rican baby mama. You're going to need universal pre-K." Because basically he's saying Puerto Rican women have a lot of kids. And he was like, "You're going to need to sell those Knicks tickets to make end meet." And my guy showed it to me. And then somebody I think wrote, because he's a pro-Mamdani guy, said, "Isn't your wife Jewish, Mero?" So the thing is like you came at me, but then the fans reminded you that you have a Jewish wife and Mamdani doesn't like the Jews.

Pappas: Yeah.

Distefano: So I'd rather deal with a Latina than you voting for someone who doesn't like Jewish people.

[...]

Distefano: This is why liberals want to constantly tell you about Islamophobia. This is why they want to constantly tell you about how Mamdani is so good. [Ed. note: Patreon-only section begins here.]  It's because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. And what is their enemy? The one true religion that is Christianity. Christianity is the OTR, the one true religion, okay? And it is what liberals do not want at all. They do not want you to have a family. They don't want you to have that. A wife, kids, all that. No, they want abortions, kill the babies. That's what they want. Now, why do they want that? This is the reason they fear it, and then this is the reason why they get into bed with Islam because they—

Pappas: Can I just name this segment?

Distefano: Yes.

Pappas: Don't forget, I don't mean to cut you off, but I got something to say here.

"If Islam takes over, which it will… they're gonna go for all the non-Christians and the Jews. Just these people. They're gonna get them the hell out of here."

Distefano: Tell me.

Pappas: We have Steel Pipe Chrissy. That comes out once in a while. That's warriors come out and play. And then once in a while, we're gonna get a little thing called 4Chan Chrissy. And right now we got 4Chan Chrissy.

Distefano: We got 4Chan Chrissy, or as in some circles he's called, Chrissy Christendom. 

Pappas: Continue, Pepe the Frog Chrissy.

Distefano: That’s what it is. Okay? What you have then, baby gorgeous, as you say, is the liberals will say, "Everything's Islamophobic. We're gays for Gaza. Ya, ya, ya," because they're trying to say the main enemy here is Christianity. That's why 10 years ago when you had Ben Affleck, a Boston Catholic kid, yelling at Sam Harris on the Bill Maher show about Islamophobia and promoting Islam all he could, is because what does he really hate? What do Catholic kids from Boston hate the most? Jews. What do they do? Then what happens there, honey, baby gorgeous? It's guys like Ben Affleck and these Christian Catholic kids from Boston who really don't know what the hell Islam even is, they just say, "Well, they don't like the Jews and I guess I don't like the Jews, so I'm gonna yell at Sam Harris and Bill Maher".

That's what happens then, honey button butt. So then what happens is, babes, is you have then these people that just all of a sudden just negate the fact that absolutely if Islam takes over, which it will—bring in Mamdani, Mayor Khan and everybody else—absolutely what they're gonna do is do a little thing, they have a nice little playbook where first they come for Saturdays, then they come for Sundays. What do I mean by that? Well, Saturdays, they're gonna go for all the non-Christians and the Jews. Just these people. They're gonna get them the hell out there. 

"It could also be 'we either cut your head off or we circumcise you right here on the table if you don't conform to Islam.' I don't know what's gonna happen, but I do know that jizya is coming."

Because here is the truth, muffin man. Both religions, Christianity and Muslim, do proselytize. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. Absolutely. But the difference, here's the main difference, my man. Here's what it is. There is no penalty for not converting to Christianity. There is a penalty for not converting to Islam.

Pappas: It's called the jizya.

Distefano: That's what it's called, the jizya. That's what it's called. It's called a tax and then back in the medieval times, which could be coming down the road, I don't know, yo no se, it could also be "we either cut your head off or we circumcise you right here on the table if you don't conform to Islam." I don't know what's gonna happen, but I do know that jizya is coming.

Pappas: Jizya coming about. Definitely there's a tax coming on. If you're rich, you're getting a jizya in New York.

Distefano: Here's what it is. Okay? Here's what it is, Lieutenant Lollipop, don't think I forgot about that one.

Pappas: Talk to me, Sergeant Snuggles.

Distefano: What's gonna happen now is this. So Mamdani, kids like the Kid Mero and all that, they write, they yell. What's gonna happen is this. Here's the Truth Bader Ginsburg of them all, son. There's a huge group of people right now who are highly educated. I mean, highly educated.

Pappas: The Chinese.

Distefano: Those too, but highly educated people. They're living in New York City and these other cities, they got great educations.

Pappas: Jews.

Distefano: Yes. Those too, but overall, just these highly educated ultra liberal voter.

Pappas: Oh, you're talking about uselessly educated. Liberal arts.

Distefano: Well, liberal arts, but I'm not talking about regular liberal. By the way, I'm a regular liberal. I'm not talking about regular liberals. I'm talking about ultra lefty. Okay? That's what I'm talking about. Hardcore ultra left. The ultra left liberal the ones who think Matt Rife is Donald Trump. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. 

"You chose wrong, and it's not my fault, and guess who definitely ain't gonna save you, especially if you're a liberal and gay, which you probably are. Mamdani, not gonna save you."

Those people. What I'm talking about with those people is you have this highly educated group of people that went to college. Maybe they went to an Ivy League school. Maybe they went to graduate school. I don't know, but they’re highly educated. They're highly motivated. They're highly articulate, highly intelligent. Now they've been in this world for the last 10 years. They are not making the money that they thought they were supposed to make. They don't have the jobs. The jobs were taken by either AI or the jobs just didn't pan out. They started college in 2011. They thought getting a degree in finance was gonna be good. They found out that was a stupid idea. They thought a degree in journalism was gonna work. No, sir.

Now you have these people that are angry and why are they angry? Because they set out for a plan. They were sold this idea of college and it didn't work out for them, so what do they do? They said, "Well, I'm gonna vote for Mamdani and socialism because the only way I could feel better about me is if I even the playing field and there is no capitalism at all. There is nobody's getting more than me. Everybody's the same. Now my liberal arts degree from Villanova, I don't look like such a schmucko because we're all waiting in the breadline to eat." The truth is—

Pappas: As long as that bread's from Paneantico, I'm okay.

Distefano: Yeah. The truth is, Sally Struthers, is that you chose wrong, and it's not my fault, and guess who definitely ain't gonna save you, especially if you're a liberal and gay, which you probably are. Mamdani, not gonna save you. You are what I call a Saturday. And you want any—

Pappas: As opposed to the Mondays.

"Morality is down and that is exactly what the Caliphate wants. The only real truth is, how do I get Christianity out? Whether it be through Islam expansion, like they tried in the Crusades, whether it be through make everyone an atheist, teach the kids to be whores, whatever it is, OnlyFans, the number one thing is 'get Christianity out.'"

Distefano: Well, yeah. If you want any chance to survive, then you need to go one day into the future and you need to join us, the Catholics, the Sunday. because they're coming in a second and I got news for you. You ain't gonna get your scimitar through St. Mathias church doors.

Pappas: Or what you could do is go back in time to about 2018, '17 and start a podcast and just start cursing on air.

Distefano: That's what it is.

Pappas: That's the only people still making money or tell your wife to do a foot pic. OnlyFans.

Distefano: OnlyFans and unfortunately, even OnlyFans, that doesn't help because morality is down and that is exactly what the Caliphate wants. The only real truth is, how do I get Christianity out? Whether it be through Islam expansion, like they tried in the Crusades, whether it be through make everyone an atheist, teach the kids to be whores, whatever it is, OnlyFans, the number one thing is "get Christianity out." Well, I got news for you, button butt, I'm here to defend Christianity. You're not getting through me because I weigh 220.

Pappas: Because you're Richard the pussy heart.

Distefano: It's what it is. I'm Richard the lion hard on. I know that that rant hurt some people up because Nick stopped eating his bagel that he got from Costco and he brought into the studio.

Pappas: I gotta say—

Distefano: What do you think of that?

Pappas: A lot to unpack.

"I don't know that it's necessarily Muslims, but I do know that it's demonic. I know there's demons behind it all… They really want Islam to take over the world."

Distefano: Yeah, we're gonna talk about Venezuela.

Pappas: I think we might have packed too much. It's a lot to unpack. It's only a two-day vacation in Florida.

Distefano: Let me ask you something, hon. Did I say anything that was a lie? Did I say anything that wasn't truth?

Pappas: Well, I don't know. All I do know is what I did notice is that speech could have easily been made by Nick Fuentes, if you just changed the Jew to Muslim.

Distefano: It's what it is.

Pappas: What you sounded like is that this is a Muslim plot to create low morality, pornography, all this.

Distefano: Well, I don't know that it's necessarily Muslims, but I do know that it's demonic. I know there's demons behind it all and demons have been trying to—

Pappas: It's a non-Christian demon.

Distefano: It's a non-Christian demon. I'm just saying right now, Mamdani is the face of it all, but I'm not actually fully blaming it on—by the way, when I say Muslims, I could separate that from Islam. There are regular, of course, Muslims. There's a lot of bad Catholics and Christians. I'm talking about jihadi and Islamists. That's different. They really want Islam to take over the world. A regular Muslim, aka a Moslem, doesn't necessarily want that and I'm okay with that. I agree with that, but I think we gotta just start being honest with each other over here, hon, is that it's getting pretty wild out there and you're gonna have to just go back to what? Your faith. Find your roots.

Pappas: I only like jihadi when he comes from Fort Greene and has black parents.

Distefano: That's all it is.

Pappas: That's a great Black name. His name is Jihadi Williams.

Distefano: Jihadi Williams, and remember on this pod we used to call people, “you're a jihadi with a body.”

Pappas: You're a jihadi with a body, a hot jihadi with a body, which Mandani's [sic] a cute kid—

Distefano: Cute kid that's making you believe that he's okay and accepting of homosexuality when actually he's not. It's a little thing called taqiyya. He's not accepting of it. Okay? This is what we call a lie. This goes against his Muslim faith.

If you’ve made it this far, then allow me to treat you to an exchange that did make it to the free episode, where Distefano says there’s no genocide in Gaza, there’s only the one against Christians in Nigeria:

Distefano: But we are going to also have to get into the specifics of Donald Trump fighting against Boko Haram because there is a Christian massacre happening there that the news does not want to talk about, because they want it all to go towards the Palestinians versus the Israelis. And the bottom line is, baby gorgeous, there's no genocide happening. The genocide's happening in Nigeria against the Christians.

Pappas: Yeah. I really want to hear what Godfrey has to say about what's going on in Nigeria right now.

Distefano: Yeah. It's what it is.

Pappas: Yeah.

Distefano: Yeah. It's what it is. Godfrey, who calls Blacks the N-word more than anybody in Howard Beach ever could.

Pappas: Yeah.

Distefano: Because to him, if you're not from Nigeria, you're an N word. And he yells about it all the time.

Pappas: And he always loves talking about how Nigerians are just superior people.

Distefano: Yeah. Yeah.

Pappas: Everyone wants to believe that their people are superior people, that they're chosen people. Even the Greeks are guilty of that.

Distefano: Yeah. Yeah. It's just what it is.

Distefano and Pappas are performing at the Crown Hill Theater in Brooklyn next week as part of the New York Comedy Festival.